Photo of the Day - my partner Nancy

Finally, some action!! I have so much to report from the past four days that I do not know where to begin. Even though I want to start with my weekend in Dorrance, I will start with an update about my visit to Dr Sharma and KU Med on Tuesday. More tests - imagine that!! My schedule on Thursday and Friday is something like this: Thursday 9:00 MUGA scan at KU Med, Thursday 2:15 appointment with Dr Einspahr in Topeka for second opinion, Friday 8:30 PET scan at KU Med, 9:15 CAT scan at KU Med, Friday 11:00 am visit with surgeon, Dr Conner at KU Med, and finally an Ultrasound at 1:00 pm.

You can not believe how much better I feel since visiting with Dr Sharma. At least I know of a 'tentative' plan for treatment. Of course, this plan is tentative because I need the tests for additional information about my cancer and health. The plan from Dr Sharma would be to start chemotherapy next Tuesday with the drugs Adriamycin and Cytoxan for four treatments with two weeks between treatments. I would then take Taxol for another four treatments with two weeks between treatments. Then I would have surgery in September, then six weeks of radiation. This would all be followed with an anti-hormone drug for five years. Who knows what will happen, but that is the first plan. Right now I have all of those saying running through my head about 'the best laid plans' so I am taking this with a grain of salt. Does anyone know the history of that saying? I guess what I am trying to say is that I know things can change quickly. And I want to hear what kind of treatment protocol Dr Einspahr will suggest.

I want to talk about Nancy - I have a tear in my eye as I write this because I am so thankful that she is in my life. As many of you know she is a wonderful person. In fact many of you have questioned the fact that I could have ended up with someone as spectacular as Nancy!!! I think you have questioned her ability to judge someone's character!! I know my family has teased me on numerous occasions about that. Nancy is a special woman and I am so appreciative of her patience with me, her care for me, and her love for me. I feel like the luckiest person in the world to have her by my side. I am a little worried about her and the toll this will take on her. So I hope that you can show her kindness and love through this. I know that I will try my best to be the best partner in the world to her. Now, I am really crying, but I needed to share that.

Love to all,
Mary Kay

Photo of the Day - my niece Jody and my sister Debbie

Can you guess which one is the mom and which one is the daughter?

Highlights from the day.

Kevin and Sharon made us Mudslides - it was a delicious drink made from homemade ice cream (that my mom made this afternoon) Hershey's chocolate drizzled on the inside of the glass, Kahlua, milk, and Bailey's Irish Cream. That drink will make you forget about cancer for an evening! That's all for today. I hope to see you Monday morning in Dorrance for the Memorial Day walk.

With Love,
Mary Kay

Photo of the Day - my nephew Kevin Thielen and his wife Sharon

Photo of the Day - my sister Susan Thielen

Roller Coaster Week

What a week....It is Friday night and I feel as if I have been hit by a truck. My body hurts, not from the cancer, but from the emotional roller coaster that I have experienced this week. I started the week with the belief that I would learn of an appointment with MD Anderson in Houston. I was ready to go - Nancy and I had made plans to be in Houston for several days. I waited patiently each day for the phone call from my doctor that would tell me I would be going to Houston in a few days. It didn't happen. The phone call came, but the date for my initial appointment was July 2. I actually broke out in a full sweat as I was on the phone with the nurse. The body aches that I am feeling right now - Friday night - are probably from my body's response while hearing the date - July 2. The disbelief hit me hard. I guess I thought MD Anderson would take ME right away. Looking back, it was probably a self-centered idea that I was so special that my cancer would be so important that they would call me right away and say Come Now. I have a sneaking suspicion that this CANCER will humble me many more times before this is over.

Anyway, there is news to share from today. I have TWO appointments for next week: one on Tuesday at KU Med and one on Thursday in Topeka. Which one should I take? Or should I take both of them? The answer: I am going to KU Med (Dr Sharma) on Tuesday thanks to my friend Grace Hwang. She just finished her treatment for breast cancer at KU Med. Amazing that the same week my colleague and friend completed her treatment for breast cancer, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. My doctor made the second appointment for me with the oncologist (Dr Einspahr) in Topeka. I might just go to both of them.

Now for the weekend - Nancy, Kramer and I are going to Dorrance for a few days of fun at my sister Susan's farm. I am sure there will be lots of activity, in fact, my nephew Matt is taking me fishing Monday morning at 5 am north of Bunker. Then we will go to the Memorial Day parade at 10 am. I hope you can walk with me in the parade. There will be lots of other activities during the weekend - playing with great nieces and nephews, visiting friends, cooking, eating, sleeping, bathing Kramer after he rolls in cow pooh - you get the picture.

With love,
Mary Kay

Photo of the Day - Birthday Boy Kramer

Today is Kramer's 4th birthday. Happy birthday to the best dog in the world!!

Anger is the word for the day. My doctor's nurse called and said my tentative first appointment with MD Anderson is July 2. Can you believe that? I can not wait 5 weeks for my first appointment. I want to start treatment as soon as possible. Hopefully things will change in the next few days and I will get an earlier date in Houston OR I will try to get into another treatment center - maybe KU Med. Today was really difficult, I was on an emotional roller coaster. I know there are other people who are waiting just like me to get treatment so I do want to wait my turn. That thought is a lot easier to write than it is to internalize and accept. Have I said it before - I want to start treatment NOW. I want to learn more about my specific type of cancer and I want to know the treatment protocol. Of course, I want to know the prognosis - or do I.

I have been thinking a lot lately about my bother-in-law Joe. He lost his battle with cancer on January 2, 2006. He was so gracious during his illness and fought with such dignity. Not much else that I can write but that I have been thinking about him. I am going to Dorrance for Memorial Day services and I am going to walk in the Memorial Day parade. It really isn't a parade with floats or entertainment, it is a parade for people who choose to honor those, like Joe, who served our country. We walk from the American Legion on Main Street to the cemetery, it is only a few blocks. We walk to honor and to say thank you to those service members who are no longer with us. I hope that you will join me on Main Street in Dorrance on Monday at 10 am.

With Love,
Mary Kay

Photo of the Day - Some of my colleagues at Leadership Studies: Todd Wells, Candi Hironaka, and Mike Finnegan

For you Russell countians, yes, this is the Todd Wells from Russell!!

STILL WAITING
I called my doctor's office today (prompted by my sister Debbie) to ask if they had heard anything from MD Anderson. Bad News - my doctor's nurse was out of the office on Friday and Monday, so she did not send the information until Tuesday morning...... Insert your own bad word here. She is going to call them Thursday after lunch if she has not heard from them in the morning.

I visited with my former colleague and friend Ata today. It was so nice to see him again. We worked together for a few years at Leadership Studies before he moved to Seattle with his wife and son. I am sure it helped that he is a trained therapist AND I am pretty sure that I received a free session today. He talked with me about some of the stages that I might go through - denial, anger, negotiating, acceptance. OK, so I might have created some of those, but it was nice to talk with him.

Good news - Nancy and I treated ourselves to a pedicure and manicure tonight. That's all for now.

With Love,
Mary Kay

Photo of the Day - my mom Velma Siefers

Not much news to report today. Still have not heard from MD Anderson or my doctor. I do know that this cancer thing is becoming more real to me. For the first few days after my diagnosis, I was pretty much in a state of denial. Even though I spoke the words, breast cancer, I don't think it really made a big impact on me. Now things are a little different. I am starting to think of the potential pain that I might endure and the probable change that is going to occur in my life. Will I be able to take Kramer for his daily walks? (Kramer is the best dog in the world!! At least that is what I tell him.) Will I be able to cook evening meals for Nancy? (Okay, for those of you who know my cooking abilities, I am stretching it a little bit with that one.) You get the picture - my future is unknown, but so is yours. So what am I worried about.? Now I am feeling a little selfish by thinking about ME. I have heard that I will go through many emotions during this journey. I am starting to experience some of those emotions.

Up to this time it has been easy to share my news, but now I am getting a little leery of sharing it. It seems to consume the conversation once I share. I guess it consumes my life so it just seems natural that it would dominate my conversations with others.

Nancy and I have been trying to plan for our trip to Houston. Of course, we do not know when we are leaving or how long we will be gone. Thank goodness for all of our friends who have offered to help with the house and Kramer. Did I mention that he is the best dog in the world? I am not worried about my job - I am officially off for the summer, so that is not a concern. In addition to having the best dog in the world, I work at the best place in the world. Leadership Studies and Programs has been a godsend for me. It has allowed me to be me - and they still like me. Okay, I might be out on a limb a little here, but it is what I feel.

Thanks so much for the phone calls, cards, emails, and comments.

With love,
Mary Kay

Photo of the Day - my great niece Anna "Banana" Thielen

There is no easy way to share the news that I have cancer. I just say it - I have breast cancer. Usually there is a moment of silence followed by the look of bewilderment. It was probably the same look I had on my face when I realized I had cancer. What does one say when that is shared? I'm sorry, that's bad, that sucks, oh shit. Those are all words appropriate for cancer. I suggest that we say whatever comes to us at the moment.

Still waiting on news from MD Anderson on a date for my visit to Houston. I just want to do something to start treatment. Right now it seems as if the cancer is getting too much of a head start. I wonder when the first cancer cell appeared in my body? Was it a couple of months ago or was it years ago?

Thanks to all who have called or emailed. Your care means the world to me.

My body is a little sore today - too much activity from the weekend in Dorrance. We planted flowers around Susan's patio and, of course, there was the play time with Hallie, Anna, and Garrett.

Love to all,
Mary Kay

Photo of the Day - my sister Susan Thielen and my great niece Hallie Jo

First entry

This has been an amazing week for me. I found out on Friday, May 18, 2007, that I have breast cancer. It all started on May 11 - that is the day I found the lump in my left breast. It was the last day of finals week and I was feeling pretty good about doing 'nothing' this summer. I was lying on my side in bed, watching television - the Today Show - and I found the lump. I immediately called my doctor for for an appointment - I picked up Nancy from work and saw my doctor at 9:30. That appointment started a anxious week of waiting.... Mammogram and ultrasound on Monday morning, biopsy on Wednesday morning, a call from my doctor's nurse on Thursday at 4 to say the results hadn't arrived yet, but that my doctor wanted to see me Friday morning at 8:45. There wasn't much doubt after that phone call from the nurse. Anyway, on Friday morning Dr. Minocha said "I wish I had better news for you." Finally, a week of waiting was over - I have cancer.

Nancy and I canceled our trip to Kristy's wedding in Detroit and went to Dorrance for solitude - no that wasn't why I wanted to go. There is something about going home that soothes the heart and soul. The weekend was great - my brother Bill came and many relatives - and we laughed and joked about cancer. I want to embrace cancer and own it. After all, it is my cancer. I hope to have a party before going to MD Anderson in Houston - it will be the Kick Cancer's Ass Party. I want to have one in Manhattan and one in Dorrance before Nancy, Susan, Deb and I go to Houston for diagnosis and treatment.

Love to All,
Mary Kay