Special Anniversary Today

I titled this entry ‘Special Anniversary Today’ because this is the day that I have been thinking about a very special person who is no longer with us. Today is the two-year anniversary of the death of my brother-in-law Joe Thielen. Now, there is nothing special in the fact that Joe has been gone for two years, but there is something special about celebrating his LIFE. That is what I have focused on today – his life rather than his death. I spent a great deal of time with Joe during his marriage to my sister Susan. He was so good to me and was really more like a brother than a brother-in-law. It is my intention to celebrate Joe’s life by living my own life in the most robust and rewarding way that I can.

The following is a speech I gave at Joe’s Vigil service and has a few of my favorite Joe stories. Please enjoy this as a celebration of Joe’s life and I hope it will spark a few of your own favorite Joe memories.

Love to all,
Mary Kay

One of my first recollections of Joe came from the Dorrance Memorial Day Parade when I was a young girl of 9 or 10 years old, Joe gave me a ride on his beloved horse Red. I remember that Joe told me Red’s birthday was the same day as mine: July 17, 1960. I am not sure if that was really Red’s actual birthdate, I think Joe may have told me that to make me feel good and to make a connection with me. You know, now that I think about it, I shouldn’t have doubted Joe about Red’s birthdate because in the 40 plus years that I have known him; I have never known Joe to be anything but 100% honest. Maybe the story of Red’s birthday being on the same day as mine had more to do with getting in good with my sister Susan than anything else. What ever the reason, I am so glad that Joe married Susan, he has been a great brother-in-law.

My sister Debbie told her favorite Joe and Susan courtship story: In the summer of 1971, Susan made Debbie and Bill stand in our backyard on the north edge of Dorrance and watch for certain tail lights going north out of Dorrance. You see, Joe’s yellow Ford had distinctive tail lights; they were different than any other cars in the area. So Susan recruited Debbie and Bill to stand outside to watch for the tail lights of Joe’s car so that she could know when he went home. What we didn’t do to get Joe Thielen to be our brother-in-law!!!

Of course the most famous of all Joe and Susan stories is the FISH story: during Joe and Susan’s courtship, they woke my Mom and Dad, Bill, Debbie, and me at about 1:30 in the morning to show us the big fish that they had caught. You know Susan, I just realized: what were you doing fishing at 1:30 in the morning? So anyway, we all went outside to see the big fish. Joe was so proud as he told us about the champion bass they had just caught. As Joe opened the tail gate, his proud expression changed to disbelief when there was no big fish at all. There were only a few small fish barely big enough to keep. You should have seen Joe try to explain his way out of that one. The rest of the story is that the next day Joe and his nephew Mike and niece Sherry found the ‘big’ fish in the driveway to the Huttie Place pond – it had some how fallen out of the back of the pickup when they hit a bump in the road. We never let Joe forget that story.

There have been so many good times and laughs with Joe throughout the years. There have also been so many lessons about life that I have learned from Joe. I feel so fortunate that I was able to spend time with him during his illness. Even when he was struggling to beat cancer, he was so gracious and kind and respectful of people. We spent many hours traveling to and from treatment and sitting in their house watching the Food Channel – yes the Food channel had become Joe’s favorite. If fact, he would see something on one of the programs and he would ask me to make it. Now, I know those of you who know my cooking abilities are having a great laugh with that one. But Joe always complimented me on whatever I made. In addition to watching the food channel, Joe was constantly on the cell phone wheelin and dealin. It was hard work spending time with Joe and it was NOT because of what needed to be done because of his illness. It was because he always had us assisting him in the many projects he had going from cleaning the office and to transplanting trees to laying out a lawn sprinkling system. We would always have a good laugh about the surprises Susan would see when she turned in the driveway each day after school. I think Joe took great pleasure in surprising Susan. But Joe also took great pleasure in loving Susan. It was so sweet when he would have me stop at one of the flower shops on the way home from a treatment to get Susan a bouquet of flowers. One of most meaningful lessons I learned from Joe was to keep doing what you love to do even when life deals unfortunate circumstances.


In between the Food channel and working on projects, Joe loved to talk about his sons and how proud he was of them. Joe would look out the window and see Kevin doing something on the farm and I would see this proud smile spread across his face. He spent many hours just watching Kevin with the expression that you only see on the proudest of all fathers. I can’t tell you how many times I heard Joe talking on the phone with a business acquaintance about how Kevin was taking care of the day to day activities of the farm and how happy Joe was about that.

Joe loved to see Joey as a father. I think Joe was determined to live to spend time with his new grand-daughter Anna. He was adamant – even when he was very sick – to make the trip to the Manhattan Hospital to see her. Anna and Garrett brought such joy to Joe. One day Joey disciplined Garrett and sat him on the sofa in the living room in a ‘timeout’. When Joey returned to the room where Joe was sitting, with a smirk on his face, Joe asked Joey “How’s that timeout bolonie working?” Of course Joe didn’t really use the word bolonie. I know Joe loved to see Joey as a father to Garrett and Anna.

We laugh at the time that Joe spent on the cell phone, but I can guarantee you that most of it was on the phone with his sons. I can’t tell you how many times I heard him call Matt to find out if he would smoke or grill a pork loin for dinner. I know it made Joe laugh when Matt walked in the door a few weeks ago with a pork loin that was so big he was carrying it on his shoulder like a feed sack. Joe loved to have Matt analyze numbers and data for the farm – Matt that was another one of those projects – entering data for the farm. But I know how much Joe valued Matt’s knowledge about finances.

I have been asking family members at the farm this week to share a word or phrase that comes to mind when describing Joe. In closing I would like to share some of those words: gentle, father, uniter, family oriented, hard-working, innovative, visionary, intelligent, integrity, champion to his sons, caring, gracious host, list maker, planner, on the cell phone all the time, husband, communicator, leader, do one more thing, thump on the head for the boys, and list maker.

Photos of the Day

Natalie, what are you thinking about your great-aunt Mary Kay?

What did Nancy and Susan make as their New Year's Resolution? They might just quit their jobs, move to Vegas, and play poker for a living.

Happy New Year from Manhattan

Yes, I am home and it feels GREAT! Nancy and I returned home this afternoon after we picked up Kramer and Pearl. Thanks Sharon for transporting the dogs to Salina so that we could go home with the whole family. Pearl is my sister Susan's dog, but she is spending a few days/weeks/ months/years with us. We'll see how things go with Pearl. She has lived her life on the farm, so I am not sure you can take the country out of the dog. She looks just like Kramer, well almost. Pearl is built like a wide receiver and Kramer is built like a fullback. You get the idea.

Susan, Nancy, and I celebrated the end of 2007 and the beginning of 2008 last night in the hospital by playing poker. Now for those of you who know Susan and Nancy, you know that they did not risk too much even though it was play money. We had a great time even though we did not make it to midnight. Deb and Greg brought Natalie for a visit earlier in the evening so I had an entertaining hour while she was there. Natalie loves to talk on my cell phone so, of course, I let her do that. If you received a call from me last night, please know that it was probably Natalie.

Thanks to all for your care and support. I am hoping that 2008 will be a little less eventful for me than 2007. But, you never know what will happen. Debbie gave me a plate with the following saying: "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain." Anyone want to dance?

Happy New Year,
Mary Kay

It might be a great New Year's Day

The plan - the doctor discontinued one of my IV antibiotics (Vancomycin) this morning. IF my fever stays down for 24 hours, I can go home on Tuesday. I had more fluid drained from the infection site this morning. Hopefully, the drainage will slow enough that I won't have to have it done again.

Turn back the clock to Christmas morning. I was ready for a day of family, fun, and food (and presents), but that did not happen. I ended up in the hospital and have been here since then. The first three to four days are a blur to me. I can not remember much from them because I was battling the high fever and subsequent aches and pains. Because of that, it does not seem like I have been here for a week.

Happy New Year to all.
Mary Kay

Diagnosis - the bah humbug bug

I’m back! Well, sort of. I am still in the hospital in Salina, but I feel SO much better now. My ordeal started on Christmas morning when I woke with a bah humbug feeling. Now, I am not talking about feeling tired, or feeling like I had a cold, or feeling like I had stayed up too late, or feeling as if I had a hang over – I felt like I had ALL of those combined. To make a long story short – I have a nasty infection (and accompanying high fever) that presented itself as cellulites in my right underarm, breast, and back areas. As a result of the infection, I am now battling fluid accumulation in the same areas. Three hundred cc’s of fluid was drawn from the area on Friday and I will have another sonogram and fluid withdrawal today, Sunday. The bah humbug bug has not yet been identified and that has the doctor a little concerned. I am still taking two kinds of IV antibiotics for the infection - Rocephin twice a day and Vancomycin once a day. I tried to talk the doctor into releasing me today, but he wants me to stay to receive the IV antibiotics and to monitor the fluid buildup.

My high fever caused me to be mostly ‘out of it’ on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. I did not turn the TV on in my hospital room until Friday night – that tells me just how out of it I was. I want to give a special ‘shout out’ to Nancy for her guest blog and, of course, her love and support of me. She has been here the whole time so she will be the one who will need a little R&R in the next few weeks. I know most of you probably know this, but Nancy has also been in the midst of caring for her ‘second mom’ Frances Van Scoyoc and Frances’ sister Christabelle Fitzgerald. They both live in the their own homes in Manhattan. Christabelle, 95, broke her hip on December 10, had surgery a couple of days later and is now in St Joseph Care Center in Manhattan. Frances, age 92, visited the ER in Manhattan yesterday because she felt as if she was having a stroke. She checked out OK and is resting at home. Of course, all of this activity has caused lots and lots of stress for Nancy. Now you know why I am worried about her.

Thanks to all who have called, emailed, visited, posted to the blog, and sent goodies. I truly appreciate your support and care for Nancy and me. The care here has been exceptional. One of my nurses is a former student from my days of teaching Fundamental of Nutrition in Animal Science. As my sister Debbie once told me, ‘You just have to be nice to everyone because you never know when you will meet them again.”

Love to all,
Mary Kay

Baby Sam enjoyed a little time in Great-Aunt Mary Kay's arms

Jackie and Jeremy (and Di, too) came for a visit
after they attended the K-State basketball game.

My bed was the gathering place for a little fun with the great nieces and nephews

Natalie and her Daddy, John

Hallie Jo and her Grandma

Infection lands Mary Kay in the hospital

Hello,

Mary Kay has asked that I give you this update.

Mary Kay has not been feeling her best for the last couple of weeks: fatigue, joint pain and a bit of the tiredness. We enjoyed our trip to Las Vegas but did not do too much.

Our winter break from K-State has been a little hectic and overwhelming since we returned to Kansas. We left Friday, December 21st for Dorrance and Susan’s house to get ahead of the coming snow storm…which we did. We went to church on Saturday and a family party on Sunday, Christmas church service on Monday and a wonderful soup supper. When Mary Kay woke up on Christmas Day she was not feeling well but was keeping it quiet. We went to her Mother’s house for a couple of hours and she climbed into bed immediately with the “shaking chills”…her sister Debbie was called and upon seeing Mary Kay, she said let’s go to the Russell emergency room. During the five-hour excursion at the Russell ER, Mary Kay was originally diagnosed with the ‘crud’ that is going around. After insisting that blood work be drawn, the doctor then suggested a bladder infection was to blame. Even after Mary Kay told the doctor that she felt twice as sick now than she ever had during chemo and surgery, the doctor suggested she buy some over the counter ‘air born’ and take that. This was when Debbie’s jaw hit the floor and she almost said something very nasty to him. Things finally headed in the right direction when the ER nursing director arrived to help with a very busy ER department. She actually found the cellulites and called the doctor in right away. He came in like a dog with his tail between his legs and said Mary Kay needed to be at a bigger hospital. She did have an IV drip of the antibiotic Rosephin before we left for Salina.

Debbie and Greg met us at the Salina Regional Health Center and helped get Mary Kay in this room. What a help Deb has been during all of this. Mary Kay is introduced here (at the hospital) as Debbie’s sister…not Mary Kay. Debbie has connections!!! Mary Kay has been dealing with very high temperatures since Christmas day – the first two nights in the hospital the fever spiked to 103 and last night to 102. It is down around 99 – 100 now, so we hope she will be released on Saturday or Sunday. Anyway, the final diagnosis is cellulites, which is an infection of the skin structures. Her skin was very red and inflamed from her breast bone to her right breast to her right underarm area and around to the middle of her back. The size of the infection area has reduced significantly since Tuesday. Mary Kay had a sonogram today to identify the extent of the fluid accumulation and then had five large syringes of fluid drained from the swollen area – called a seroma. She is still taking two IV antibiotics (Rosephin and Vancomycin) to battle the infection, lots of Tylenol to reduce the fevers, anti-nausea medicine, and a variety of other medicines.

We have been at the Salina Regional Health Center since about 9:00PM Tuesday night. Mary Kay is receiving wonderful and attentive care from her doctors and staff. They have been very accommodating of me “hovering”. I have slept in a reclining chair for three nights to keep an eye on “Patient MK”, but may go tonight and stay at the Rebecca A. Morrison House-a guest residence for those living outside Salina who have a loved one as a patient at Salina Regional Health Center. It is a very nice bed and breakfast with 24 -hour caring staff. Susan, Velma and Joan came yesterday, visited Mary Kay, took me out to eat and for my first Sam’s Club visit. What a gift, Susan came with all our clothes washed (several loads) and packed up our suitcases so they have been in the room at the Morrison House even though I did not go there until this morning to take a shower and rest. Our friends Di and Jackie have come twice to visit in the evenings. We also had a visit from Russell friends Mick and Colleen as they were on their way home from a Christmas visit with family. Thanks so much!!! Other Salina visitors were Sister Rose, a friend of Debbie and Greg’s, John, Stacia and Natalie Brenneman, and Jody and Tim McClelland, and Greg’s sister Tonya.

Mary Kay has felt very sick with fluctuating high fevers, vomiting and generally feeling very bad. She has been on two powerful IV antibiotics, ice packs and had 5 vials of fluid removed from her breast site. We hope with all of this she has turned the corner and will be released in the next couple of days.

Of course, many of you are wondering where the best dog in the world is staying while we are in Salina. Kramer is enjoying an extended holiday season at Susan's house with his dog cousins Pearl, Chub, and Champ.

We hope to exchange family gifts in the next several weeks…2007 is going down as a memorable year. We wish you all a HAPPY NEW YEAR! We are looking for a change too.

Thanks to all of you, life is made better and more joyous.
Nancy

Photos of the Day

Kevin and the 'Orange Crush' feed truck

Joey, Garrett, and Anna enjoyed a little sledding in the pasture.
There actually is a sled under the three of them

Susan, Karna, and Mom