Always a Trojan at heart

I have a little trepidation about Tuesday’s chemotherapy session because it will be my first round of Taxol. Everyone says that Taxol is much easier to endure than Adriamycin and Cytoxan – I am hoping they are right. I have always wondered who ‘they’ are when people say things. In this case it is other chemo patients. I will take their word for it. Anyway, Taxol can cause an allergic reaction so I will be monitored fairly closely when the IV drip starts. I will have plenty of company at the treatment as my Mom and sister, Susan, are going to be there in addition to the regulars of Nancy and Jody.

I want to thank all of the Loganites (those crazy people from Logan, Kansas) who have sent me well wishes on the blog. I do miss you (even all of the Jayhawk fans) and hope to see you sometime in the near future. As I reflect on why my five years in Logan were so special, one word that that keeps coming up again and again is community. I am not just referring to the fact that Logan is a small town with a 1A school; I am talking about the many ways in which the town embraced me. The school and related activities were definitely the focus of my time, but I also enjoyed the church community (yes Mom, I did go to church --- well sometimes), the local volleyball team (remember those good times ladies?), all of those after game get-togethers, and lots and lots of social events!! In fact, I probably had a free meal at some point in time with all of Logan!! As Sue Jackson said in her comment, it has been almost 20 years since I left – YIKES. It seems like yesterday. In fact when I saw Barb and Mike Lehning at the basketball games last year at K-State, they looked just the same as the day I left Logan in 1988!! And I am sure I haven’t changed any in 20 years, either.

One of the things I have tried to do with this blog is to keep a list of gratitude notes. I am going to add my five years in Logan to that list because it truly was a positive and life changing time for me. I was so fortunate to have met so many wonderful friends who were ‘salt of the earth’ kind of people with caring spirits. Of all the places that I could have taken my first teaching job right out of K-State in 1983, I ended up a Logan Trojan. Wow, when I think about how things work out, I am amazed how lucky I have been in life.

Love to all,
Mary Kay

Photos of the Day - One photo is not enough!

We (Leadership Studies and Programs) had a going away luncheon for Mary Ray last Friday at Old Chicago. I felt well and certainly enjoyed the time out on the town! I took a few photos, so I thought I would share them with you so that you can see a few of my colleagues. We had a great time as you can see from the photos.

All of Russell County can be proud of their favorite son - Todd Wells, who did a great job of providing comic relief for us.

I surprised Gayle Spencer with a kiss at the moment of this picture. Gayle said she thought about kissing me on the cheek, too.

Lynda Bachelor sat by the honoree - Mary Ray. Mary will be spending her time at Washburn University in Topeka this Fall as she starts her Master's degree.

Sue Pray and Monica Parrish are the 'glue' that holds our department together. If we want something, we ask one of them. They know everything there is to know about 'getting things done' at K-State.

Kim Frazier is just starting at Leadership Studies - I am not sure it was a good idea to have her sit by Todd at her first get together. Surely there was a better place for her to sit.

Mary and Jo deserve a special 'shout out' as they delivered a meal to Nancy and me on Tuesday. They even stayed to eat with us! Thanks ladies for the scrumptious meal of salmon, scalloped potatoes, fresh bread, and carrot cake!

You probably recognize Candi Hironaka, but I am sure Ella Todd is new to the blog. Welcome to the big time - Ella!

Last, but not least, Ben Hopper and Mary Tolar. Was the meal really that delightful Mary?

What goes around, comes around!

I’ve wanted this blog to be an honest and authentic reflection of my experience with cancer. Sometimes that is difficult to do because there are times when I have thoughts and experiences that are difficult to share. Case in point – every time I have a pain in my body, however incidental, normal, or innocuous that pain might be, I wonder if the cancer has spread beyond my left breast. I think it is just something that I am going to have to work through – maybe it is a phase that cancer patients have to endure during treatment, or maybe it is just the emotional side effects of the chemotherapy, or maybe it is something that cancer survivors think about forever. I want this just to be a phase for me. I don’t want to live the rest of my life thinking about cancer on a daily basis.

As I think about why I am experiencing these emotions right now, I do have an explanation. I am starting to second-guess my decisions. Did I choose the right treatment plan? Should I have had surgery before chemo? Am I at the right treatment center? Am I doing everything I can to heal myself? I am sure asking those types of questions is part of the ‘process’ or the journey that most cancer patients endure, but it can be difficult to be patient and to believe that I am doing the right thing.

I just had an ‘ah ha’ moment!! In the comment section at the bottom of my previous posts, there are comments by friends Barb Lehning, Craig Snider, and Jeremy Lehning from my days teaching and coaching in Logan, Kansas, between 1983-1988. I was fortunate enough to coach several talented young women on the basketball team at Logan High School. Two guiding mottos evolved for the team that we used for motivation and teambuilding. One motto was public that we used on t-shirts and posters, and one motto was private that we used within the team. I will let you guess which is which - “Kick Ass” and “We Believe.” We used Kick Ass to get us fired-up and motivated for the competition. We Believe was used when times were challenging and we needed a boost to believe in each other as well as ourselves. Are you beginning to see my ‘ah ha’ moment about my cancer journey and hearing from some Logan friends? When I started this journey, I was motivated by the thought of kicking cancer’s ass. In fact, I had a kick cancer’s ass party before I started chemotherapy. As I have progressed through this journey, I have lost a little of the initial motivation – feeling sick most of the time will do that to you. So maybe now I need to BELIEVE – in my treatment team, my support team, and myself. I am not making this stuff up – I really had the ‘ah ha’ moment as I was writing this blog entry. Thanks Barb, Craig, and Jeremy for writing those comments so that I could realize the lessons I tried to teach while I coached at Logan. Isn’t it funny how things that go around tend to eventually come around?

Love to all,
Mary Kay

Photo of the Day - Happy Anniversary to Debbie and Greg

Happy Anniversary to my sister and brother-in-law, Debbie and Greg Brenneman! Greg is holding the joy of their lives, their grand-daughter Natalie. Debbie and Greg have been VERY good to me in so many ways throughout my life. Debbie has always been a supportive sister who has made sure I have plenty of quilts, baskets, dishes, and clothes. Whenever you see me in anything remotely fashionable, you can bet Debbie had something to do with it. (I know most of you are trying to think of a time when I wore something remotely fashionable!!) Debbie is a nurse so she also serves as the medical consultant in my family. One bit of fun I do have with Debbie is that when I call her doctor's office to talk with her, I tell the phone receptionist this is Dr. Siefers and I would like to speak with Nurse Brenneman. I always get a kick out of that one!! Greg and Debbie have a beautiful home at their farm northeast of Salina where Greg spends his spare time training horses and Debbie spends her spare time caring for the hundreds of outdoor plants. Thanks for being such a great sister and brother-in-law!

As most of you have noticed, it has been a while since I have felt well enough to write an entry for the blog. The side effects of my fourth chemo treatment on July 17 seemed to linger a little longer than any of the others. I guess it is the cumulative effects of the drugs. I have been at this chemo thing since my first treatment on June 5th and it definitely has taken a toll on my body. Actually, I am fairly healthy as far as chemo patients go – at least that is what my regular doctor told me today. I had my yearly appointment with Dr. Minocha in Manhattan. It is one that I had scheduled for a long time so I decided to keep the appointment. We had a good talk and she told me to call her anytime I had any concerns – she even told me to call her at home. It is nice to feel that personal connection to her during this crazy time in my life. I want to add two more items to my list of ‘gratitude notes’ – 1) the fact that I have a personal relationship with my primary doctor (or even that I have a primary doctor), and 2) that I am a relatively healthy person so that I can withstand the aggressive chemo drugs. It seems that each time I reflect on my journey I ‘see’ more of life’s lessons.

Another lesson that became clear to me during the last nine days is just how connected my physical self is to my emotional, psychological, and spiritual wellbeing. I noticed as I took longer and longer to recover from the chemo effects that I spent more time thinking about my cancer and my recovery or lack thereof. I found myself surfing the web for survival and prognosis information about my specific cancer. I have not felt the need to do much of that before now, but I found myself doing that several times in the past week. Now that I feel better, I am thinking about things like golf, grocery shopping, going to my office at LSP, exercising, and working in the yard. I am sure the lesson I just described is obvious and well-known to many, but it is one that had a big impact on me this week. It definitely reminded me of the balance in life and the interconnectedness to our different selves – the physical, emotional, psychological, and spiritual.

I have so much more to write, but that is all for now. I promise I won’t wait another week to post!!

Love to all,
Mary Kay

Photo of the Day - my grand niece Natalie

Photo of the Day - Nancy, Jody, Susan, Garrett, Debbie, and Mom

This photo was taken on Sunday, July 22, in our front yard. Instead of saying 'cheese' at the moment of the photo, Garrett had everybody say 'cutting milo at the Huttie place.' My mom, sisters Deb and Susan, niece Jody, and grand nephew Garrett brought Nancy and me (and her sisters Jane and Barbara) Brookville Hotel chicken and all the fixings for Sunday lunch. My taste buds have been a little dull lately, but that lunch really brought some delight to me.