Photo of the Day - Happy Anniversary to Lori and Matt, they are the parents of the delightful Hallie Jo Thielen

Tears, Taxol, and Ta Ta's

Today went well. My lab counts are ok – I do have to take the Neulasta shot on Friday to make sure I stay strong for the surgery. Of course, that shot will make the bone and joint pain a little more intense from the Taxol. I would expect the pain to start Saturday morning if things progress as they have the first three treatments of Taxol. My visit with Dr. Sharma was awesome as she was extremely pleased with the response from the chemo portion of my treatment plan. During the physical exam, she stated that she did not think she was feeling cancer cells, but maybe she could feel scar tissue or dead cells. Anyway, we had a great visit; she gave me a hug at the end of the appointment!! My next meeting with Dr. Sharma is two weeks after the surgery. At that time, I will start the aromatase inhibitor medication that will block estrogen from feeding any remaining cancer cells. My cancer is estrogen and progesterone positive and Her negative. The protocol is to take the medicine for five years if everything goes well. Dr. Sharma said the treatment plan could change in that time if more effective medicine becomes available. I will see Dr. Sharma every three months for two years and then every six months after that. She already scheduled a bone density test for me because bone loss is one of the side effects of the aromatase inhibitor medicine. She is waiting to order other tests (such as ct scans, bone scans, etc.) until we find the lymph node status after surgery. I feel very comfortable about the medical care I am receiving from Dr. Sharma. She is a smart, caring, and warmly spirited woman and I highly recommend her if anyone needs her services.

I had a bit of an emotional release after my appointment with Dr. Sharma – the tears flowed for a few minutes as I thought about things. My emotions were related to how fortunate I felt at the moment to have received such good news. I had Nancy with me and many family and friends had called me to say they were thinking of me today. I just felt overwhelmed with love at that moment as my throat tightened and the tears swelled in my eyes.

After that episode, I made my way to the treatment center where I took the last of eight chemotherapy treatments!!! I did sleep for a couple of hours during treatment, but I was awake for the last hour or so of the four hours it takes for treatment. When the last drop of chemo entered my IV line, I had a vision of clouds parting with the sun shining through, and Handel’s Messiah - ‘Hallelujah’’ playing in my mind. Can you see and hear it, too? I did not get teary-eyed emotional after chemo, I just felt joy at not needing to do that again! As you can see in the photo, I watched with gleeful anticipation as the bottle emptied and the last drop of chemo made it's way through the IV line and into the port in the right side of my chest.

My day ended with a visit with the surgeon, Dr. Connor. She said I would only need to stay in the hospital for one or two nights depending on pain management. She thought I might only need one night since I am relatively healthy and tolerated chemo well. Before I go to surgery on October 2, I report to the nuclear medicine unit at 6:30 am for the radioactive dye that will help the surgeon locate my sentinel node. That is the lymph node to which the breast tissue lymph drains first. So, if any cancer is found in the first node, the surgeon will then progress to other nodes until they find clean nodes. I am first on the list that day so hopefully things should go according to schedule for the three hour surgery. Dr. Connor is a ‘get to the point’ person whom I really like. Of course, Nancy had her notebook full of questions for Dr. Connor. When Nancy asked her if there was anything unusual that could happen, Dr. Connor looked a little bewildered at Nancy. So to break the ice, I said maybe Nancy is concerned that I could fall off the table. Dr. Connor broke out in a big laugh and said that would be a first!! The day ended with Ruth, Dr. Connor’s wonderful nurse, as she filled in all the details of the surgery day. Ruth is so funny and was willing to stay as long as needed to make sure all of our questions were answered. We did not leave the appointment until 5:45 and Ruth did NOT seem impatient with us at all.

Needless to say, today was a roller coaster of emotions for me. I cried on the way home as I thought about all the people who have been impacted by this disease – not only those who have cancer, but also the caregivers and family and friends of cancer patients. I want to give a big ‘shout out’ to all who have been caregivers or supported someone with cancer. The love and support of my family and friends has been so important to me and I know that other cancer patients feel the same way. I want the Ta Ta to the Ta Ta’s party on September 23 to reflect the tremendous role that caregivers play for cancer patients. If you are one of those wonderful people who has supported or is currently supporting someone with cancer, please know that your efforts are so important to your loved one. Thank you to all who have shared your love and compassion with cancer patients.

Love to all,
Mary Kay

Photo of the Day - My nephews Joey and Matt

I guess I should have a contest for the best caption for these two pictures that I took last Sunday at my sister Susan's farm. Joey seems to be enjoying his role as older brother while Matt readies the combine for milo harvest.

Class and Chemotherapy

Today I visited one of the two classes I was scheduled to teach this semester and it was an extremely rewarding experience. My substitute this semester, Ben Hopper, was gracious enough to let me talk with the students about my cancer experience and the leadership lessons I have learned. The students asked lots of questions and I ended up talking with them for the whole class period from 1:05 to 2:20. Of course, it reinforced my love of teaching at K-State!! I do miss the classroom and I am especially disappointed about the 80 students who I will not get to know personally this semester. Hopefully I will be able to return to teaching in the Spring semester.

Thursday marks my LAST CHEMOTHERAPY!! Can you hear/see the jubilation in my words? Actually, I am not focused so much on the fact that this is my last chemo as I am that I get to meet with the surgeon for my pre-surgery appointment. As I stated in my last entry, I am really focused on the surgery at this point because it might be the end of my cancer journey. Now that I think about that last statement (and I have been thinking about it for a few minutes), I know it isn’t true because I will have to take an anti-estrogen drug (hormonal therapy) for five years because my cancer is estrogen positive. Hormonal therapy blocks the ability of the hormone estrogen to turn on and stimulate the growth of breast cancer cells.

So, why am I thinking so much about surgery? The answer – because I am so ready to be rid of these bad-behaving breasts! Actually, I think it has to do with getting the cancer out of my body. When I was first diagnosed, my initial response was to have surgery and rid my body of the cancer. After visiting with my oncologist and surgeon, I decided to do the chemotherapy first as a neo-adjuvant treatment instead of surgery first. That decision caused some emotional distress for me about half way through treatment because I was extremely afraid that the cancer was spreading to other parts of my body. In fact, I had several sleepless nights because I was second-guessing my treatment decisions. So, I think the fact that I can now focus on surgery has redirected my energy from thinking about the cancer metastasizing.

Metastasis – that is the real scare about having breast cancer. The fact that I have cancer cells in my breast is not life threatening in itself. But, if the cancer spreads to my liver or lungs or brain or bones, then it becomes life threatening. Wow, this writing session has provided me with another lesson about this whole experience! I also think that surgery is a tangible treatment, I will be able to see the results. And surgery seems like a tough treatment that equals the threat of cancer. Even though chemo has made me sick and I have seen the shrinking cancer mass on the ultrasounds, I still see it as a less ‘tough’ treatment. That is a crazy idea when I think about how many side effects that I have had because of chemo!

Don’t forget to mark your calendar for Sunday, September 23, for the party.

Love to all,
Mary Kay

Photo of the Day -Diane, Nancy, and Sharon in Aggieville

Diane Larson-Floersch and I have been friends since our teaching days in Logan and Prairie View in the mid 1980's. We have maintained our friendship by celebrating our K-State connection. We sit together at football games and have watched lots of men's and women's basketball games in Bramlage. So, it was just natural that we had our photo taken in front of the football office.

So Many Dates to Remember

September 13 – My last chemotherapy!! I can’t seem to find words that appropriately convey my joy in knowing I will be finished with chemo on September 13. It has been a long and sometimes difficult journey since I started on June 5. Overall, I have tolerated the drugs fairly well, but I have noticed that my body is starting to show signs from the harsh chemotherapy drugs. My eyes are a bit sunken and are surrounded by brown circles. I could write about the changes to my body for three or four paragraphs, but I won’t dwell on them because I want to focus on the positives. I am still an extremely healthy chemo patient and I want to stay that way.

September 13 is also an important date because in addition to the last chemo, I will also visit with my surgeon for the pre-op appointment. I met with Dr Connor when I was initially diagnosed and she was in agreement with Dr Sharma that I should wait until after chemo to have my surgery. Anyway, I will have more information about the surgery – I am anxious to learn details about the surgery.

September 23 – Goodbye Bad-Behaving Breasts Party. Mark your calendars now for Sunday, September 23, to celebrate the end of chemo and the transition to the next phase of this journey. It has been my goal to embrace life and not let cancer take the fun out of it. This party is to do just that – to tell cancer that you can not take the joy out of my life!! I also want to do something special for all of my friends and family who are also battling this disease. I am not sure what that will be, but I want to honor others – survivors, those enduring treatment now, and those who have lost their lives to cancer. So, please come with the idea of celebrating, not just to say goodbye to my ta ta’s, but also to celebrate the lives of our special family and friends. It just seems to me that too many people are battling cancer…..

October 2 – Surgery Day at KU Med. I don’t know too many details about the surgery at this time, but I do know that I will have the sentinel node biopsy to check the status of lymph nodes during the bilateral mastectomy. If all goes well, I won’t have too many nodes removed – or none at all – and I won’t have to have radiation after surgery. Of course, all of that will be dependent on what is found during surgery.

Love to all,
Mary Kay

Photo of the Day - my grand-niece, Natalie Brenneman, ready to watch the K-State football game