Class and Chemotherapy

Today I visited one of the two classes I was scheduled to teach this semester and it was an extremely rewarding experience. My substitute this semester, Ben Hopper, was gracious enough to let me talk with the students about my cancer experience and the leadership lessons I have learned. The students asked lots of questions and I ended up talking with them for the whole class period from 1:05 to 2:20. Of course, it reinforced my love of teaching at K-State!! I do miss the classroom and I am especially disappointed about the 80 students who I will not get to know personally this semester. Hopefully I will be able to return to teaching in the Spring semester.

Thursday marks my LAST CHEMOTHERAPY!! Can you hear/see the jubilation in my words? Actually, I am not focused so much on the fact that this is my last chemo as I am that I get to meet with the surgeon for my pre-surgery appointment. As I stated in my last entry, I am really focused on the surgery at this point because it might be the end of my cancer journey. Now that I think about that last statement (and I have been thinking about it for a few minutes), I know it isn’t true because I will have to take an anti-estrogen drug (hormonal therapy) for five years because my cancer is estrogen positive. Hormonal therapy blocks the ability of the hormone estrogen to turn on and stimulate the growth of breast cancer cells.

So, why am I thinking so much about surgery? The answer – because I am so ready to be rid of these bad-behaving breasts! Actually, I think it has to do with getting the cancer out of my body. When I was first diagnosed, my initial response was to have surgery and rid my body of the cancer. After visiting with my oncologist and surgeon, I decided to do the chemotherapy first as a neo-adjuvant treatment instead of surgery first. That decision caused some emotional distress for me about half way through treatment because I was extremely afraid that the cancer was spreading to other parts of my body. In fact, I had several sleepless nights because I was second-guessing my treatment decisions. So, I think the fact that I can now focus on surgery has redirected my energy from thinking about the cancer metastasizing.

Metastasis – that is the real scare about having breast cancer. The fact that I have cancer cells in my breast is not life threatening in itself. But, if the cancer spreads to my liver or lungs or brain or bones, then it becomes life threatening. Wow, this writing session has provided me with another lesson about this whole experience! I also think that surgery is a tangible treatment, I will be able to see the results. And surgery seems like a tough treatment that equals the threat of cancer. Even though chemo has made me sick and I have seen the shrinking cancer mass on the ultrasounds, I still see it as a less ‘tough’ treatment. That is a crazy idea when I think about how many side effects that I have had because of chemo!

Don’t forget to mark your calendar for Sunday, September 23, for the party.

Love to all,
Mary Kay