Photo of the Day - my friend Julie Dauber who gave me a seed cap to cover my bald head!

Photo of the Day - Anna Thielen, my new barber

Anna told me that she wants to be a barber just like her Grandpa Reilly. Don't you think she did a great job with my haircut?

Busy day on Tuesday

Wow, what a day! I felt good today and had lots of fun with friends. I visited the crew at Leadership Studies this morning- that was nice. I really feel at home there and it was wonderful to laugh with the group. I did not, however, feel the need to go to my office and WORK - imagine that! We did enjoy a LONG lunch at McAlister's Deli, a new restaurant in Manhattan. Thanks to Todd, Candi, Ben, Gayle, Nancy, Bob and Mary for the lunch-time laughs. I had a strong dose of 'Laugher is the Best Medicine' during the longer-than-usual lunch! If I have more lunches like that one, I should be healthy in a week!

The day just continued to get better for me as a wonderful 'country' meal was delivered to our house this evening by Mary and Twig Marston. The meal definitely passed the Russell County test for good food! The menu consisted of a 'Marston shorthorn' roast with potatoes and carrots, gravy, salad, fresh rolls, honey and butter, apple crisp, and fresh flowers!! I just had to include a photo of the spread. And yes, it tasted just as good as it looked.


My special shout-out of the day goes to Mary and Twig for the delicious meal and especially the time they spent visiting with me.





The final surprise of the day was that Jeremy Hinrichs gave me a straw hat to wear at the farm this week. It was just what I needed to keep the sun off my nearly-bald head. I am looking forward to the trip to Dorrance to see family and friends AND to get some much needed TLC from them. Interpretation: I hope they spoil me just like they have done all my life!!

I end this post with a thanks to all who made this a special day for me. My goals of loving and laughing were certainly met today!! I hope that I can GIVE as much as I have been getting from all of you.

One more thing - I swear I saw a wolf-dog in our back yard today!! I am not kidding.

Love to all,
Mary Kay

Photo of the Day - my friend Jeremy - he gave me the hat to wear at the farm!

Photo of the Day - Todd Wells and his new haircut

There is only one good thing about chemo - it kills cancer!!

Chemotherapy is tough - don't let anyone tell you differently. It has been a week since chemo #2 and I am just now feeling like I can go out and about. In fact, tonight I went to Panera Bread for dinner with Nancy and Sharon. I did get a few stares with the short hair, but I was OK with it. On the way home from dinner, my car seemed to take on a mind of its own and drove through Dairy Queen. Darn cars nowadays!! It must be that OnStar stuff I see advertised on TV. Anyway, the chocolate-chip shake tasted mighty good.

It was nice to be out of the house, but I did feel a little queasy the whole time. I am hoping that by tomorrow (Tuesday) I will be able to return to 'normal' activities - whatever that is. On Wednesday I go to KU Med for an Ultra Sound of the tumor to see if the chemo is working. I have a good feeling about it because it feels smaller to me!! I am hoping to go to Dorrance Wednesday evening with Sharon and spend a few days with the family during harvest. I will take my camera to document the activity for all to see.

The hair continues to fall out so I will probably have it cut shorter or shaved in the next day or two. My neighbor did ask me tonight if this was my summer haircut. She seemed to like it, but she didn't quite know what to say when I told her I was on chemo drugs. I am going to need to work on a way to respond to people who ask.

I want to give a special shout-out to Todd Wells who visited me today with a very similar looking hair cut as mine. As you can see from the photo, we have the same Russell County hairline. It is amazing that two small-town kids from Russell County ended up working together at Leadership Studies at K-State. Todd is an awesome young man who is doing great things at K-State. Dave and Judy Wells should be very proud of their son!! Thanks Todd for your show of solidarity and support with the new haircut.

Love to all,
Mary Kay

Photo of the Day - my Aunt Joan - one wild and crazy woman!!

Photo of the Day - My new haircut by Verna Lee Hayen, my hair stylist

Crew Cut Anyone?

The big news of the day - I now have a short, short hair cut. I love it - it feels so good to run my hand over the short, spiky hair. Verna Lee, my stylist, cut it short (a #2 blade on the clipper, I think) instead of shaving my head. It gives me a new look and I love it!! My hair will probably all fall out in the next few days or weeks, but I wish I had cut it like this before this cancer thing. I chose to do it now because my hair was falling out and getting everywhere - the floor, sheets, shower, sink - everywhere!! Now I have short hair falling on the sheets and I can barely tell my shedding from Kramer's hair.

I want to give a shout-out to Nancy and Candi for being with me during the hair cut. You can see Candi in the photo and Nancy is taking this picture in the mirror. It is so nice to have the support even for a haircut!! Also, I want to thank Verna Lee of Studio 32 in Candlewood Shopping Center for the great haircut.

I am not feeling as well today as I was on Wednesday, I think I got a little ahead of myself on how good I was actually feeling from Tuesday's treatment. My side-effects this time include low-level nausea, significant fatigue, and a general yucky feeling. I have not been able to sleep much, in fact, last night was very difficult with lots of hot flashes and then cold flashes - if there is such a thing as cold flashes. Anyway, I just could not get comfortable enough to get restful sleep. And, of course, I could not find a thing to watch on TV even with all the channels we get. When you're sick, it is just hard to find comfort!! I am sure many of you can relate to that.

Love to all,
Mary Kay

I am winning the chemotherapy battle

The side-effects of this chemotherapy round have been much more manageable than the first round. I think I have identified the anti-nausea drug that gave me the 'brain fog' of the first treatment and I am NOT taking it this time. I do have a little nausea and a lot of fatigue, but overall, I feel decent. My hair is starting to fall out - I think I will get my head shaved on Friday or Saturday.

It has been about six weeks since I was first diagnosed with breast cancer. Since that time most of my focus has been on testing and getting the treatment started. Now that I have had my second round of chemotherapy and most of my tests, I am starting to see FORWARD now. I can see how to survive during treatment and start to see myself as living with cancer. As I stated in the title of this blog, it is a journey for me. I do not have all of the stops identified on this journey, but I know the starting point and I know the ending point. I just don't know all of the pit stops on the way. That's OK with me, I have always liked spontaneity in my life. So, I look forward (in a crazy way) to the unknowns of this journey.

Photo of the Day - my nephew John Brenneman, his wife Stacia, and daughter Natalie

I Slept Through Chemo on Tuesday

It was a fast three hours of chemo because I fell asleep at the beginning and slept until the last drip of Adriamycin and Cytoxan entered my body. My niece Jody came to the hospital today to keep Nancy and me company - sorry about falling asleep during your visit Jody. I hope that I can sleep like that for my next six chemo days! Everything went well today - port placement, lab work, doctor visit, thyroid ultrasound and chemotherapy. The only down side of the day was that we did not get home until 9:00 pm.

BUT, when we arrived home, Nancy and I were greeted by her sisters Barbara and Jane AND a wonderful FOMK (friends of Mary Kay) supper supplied by Olivia and Tony. We enjoyed a gourmet meal of pork loin, green beans, carrots, and rice - all cooked in the same dish. It was delicious!! My special shout-out of the day goes to our friends Olivia and Tony! Thank you for your kindness and especially the generosity of the love that you share with us. I am disappointed that I was NOT at home when they delivered the food - I missed the photo opportunity to put them on the blog. I have a feeling lots of my family friends are a little leery of my camera! Don't worry - I have lots of photos that are waiting their turn for the photo of the day.

I feel much better tonight than I did after my first chemotherapy session. My doctor told me my 'fog' last time was probably due to the medications to keep the nausea and vomiting at bay. I suspected that was the case, but she seemed fairly confident that it was a side-effect of medications to deal with the side-effects of the chemo drugs. Yes, it seems like a vicious circle. Nancy's sister Jane is staying with us for a few days - I am not sure if it is to take care of me as much as it is for her to be here for her sister. I know how strong that bond between sisters can be - I feel it with my sisters, too. Our bond is so strong that my sisters don't let me get away with things just because I have cancer!! In fact, they tell me my legs and arms are fine so get up and do the dishes!!!!

Love to all,
Mary Kay

Big Day on Tuesday

I am not looking forward to Tuesday, June 19. My day starts early with minor surgery to get my port at 6:30 and will end after chemotherapy around 4:00 pm. I hope to be home by 6:00 pm. Then I wait to see how this round of chemo will affect my body.

I had a great weekend with family in Dorrance and Niles. Do you know where Niles is? My sister Deb lives there with her husband Greg. Actually, Niles is the closest town to their farm that is located northeast of Salina. Nancy and I stopped on the way home on Sunday and enjoyed Father's Day supper with Deb and her family. It was our second Father's Day meal of the day. Earlier in the day, we dined with Mom, Susan and family in Dorrance. Let's just say that it was a delicious Father's Day!! The best part of the weekend was spending time with Dad. We took him to the Bear House on Saturday night and he ordered his favorite meal - fried potatoes with onion.

These are two of my friends from Dorrance - Fern Stienle and Joyce Langhofer. I would like to give a special Happy Birthday shout-out to Fern. She brought me (and the rest of the family) brownies on Sunday afternoon. She brought them right out of the oven, so they were still hot when we ate them. Thanks Fern!!

Happy Father's Day to the Best Dad in the World! (My dad Casey Siefers and my sister Susan Thielen)

Photo of the Day - Todd Wells and Candi Hironaka (my friends and colleagues at Leadership Studies)

Photo of the Day - Sharon and Kevin Thielen (my nephew and his wife)

This photo was taken as Kevin and Sharon were hauling cows to summer grass. A big shout-out to Sharon for cooking a delicious meal on Wednesday evening. We enjoyed grilled rib-eye steaks (from Thielen Beef), new potatoes (that Sharon dug from her own garden Wednesday morning at 5:00 am), and apple salad. Thanks Sharon!! Her husband Kevin isn't too bad either. He sends me phone photos to let me know what is happening at the farm. Kevin doesn't need to send a text with the photos - I know what he is saying because 'a picture is worth a thousand words.'

It's a Hair Thing

My hair is supposed to fall out between days 14 and 21 (June 19 and 26) of chemotherapy - and the thought of it is starting to bother me a little. I am not really worried about being bald, in fact, I have always wanted to shave my head for the fun of it. My friends who have done that say it is freeing and I have been tempted to do it a couple of times. I do wonder what my head shape will be.... The thing that bothers me about having a bald head is that people will notice me in a way that hasn't happened to this point in my journey. I can still HIDE the fact that I have cancer. You can't look at me now and assume that I am sick. When the hair goes, that will all change. I know people will stare and wonder why I have no hair. (I know because I have done it to others. Haven't you?) Is she sick? Does she have cancer? Did she shave it for freedom? What crazy group does she belong to? Did it turn gray? Does she have male-pattern baldness? Is she sick of spending so much time on her hair each day? There are so many questions and thoughts that go through our minds when we see someone who is bald WHO WE EXPECTED TO HAVE HAIR.

It is not that I am trying to hide that I have cancer - I am writing this blog for all to read. Ok, I just figured it out. We don't know how to treat each other when we experience DIFFERENCE in our lives. I will be different when my hair falls out. My cancer will become more REAL to me and others when that happens. It will be somewhat like 'coming out' with cancer. When I walk Kramer next week with a bald head and see the same neighbors that I see each day, they will look at me differently. I will then have to say to them - yes, I have lost my hair because this dog is so bad and he has caused me so much grief that my hair fell out!!

On the flip side of the issue, there must be some good to being cancer bald. Will people let me 'cut in line' at the grocery store? Will friends buy my lunch more often? (hint, hint) Will my sisters be nicer to me? I will definitely save on shampoo, conditioner, and hair cuts. Any other ideas on the good side of cancer bald?

I know I will be fine with no hair, in fact, I am looking forward to my first foray in public with a bald head. I always tell my students that we must find our courage muscle and exercise it on a daily basis. Gotta go now, I have a little exercising to do.

Love to all,
Mary Kay

Photo of the Day - my grand niece and nephew, Anna and Garrett Thielen

Happy Days Are Here Again

The last two days have been pretty good - my appetite is coming back, my fatigue is not as bad, and, overall, I feel OK. I am not 100%, but I can definitely do good things in the world feeling like this! My next chemo treatment of Adriamycin and Cytoxan is scheduled for Tuesday, June 19th. It will be a busy day as I get my port at 6:30 am, ultrasound of thyroid at 9:00 am, blood work/lab at 10:00 am, see Dr Sharma 11:00 am, and chemo at 12:15. I am not looking forward to next Tuesday, but at least I am now fighting my cancer.

I am going to cancel my appointment with MD Anderson in Houston. Right now I am confident in the treatment I am receiving from Dr. Sharma and Ku Med. And, I really like Dr. Conner, the surgeon who will place my port next week and remove the (remaining) lump in October. I am considering my options for surgery - lumpectomy or mastectomy. I may have a double mastectomy - Off with the bad behaving breasts!!!

My photo of the day is of my Dad, Casey Siefers. I have been thinking of him this week because of Father's Day on Sunday. My plan is to visit him over the weekend at the Wilson Nursing Center in Wilson, Kansas. My dad has battled Parkinson's Disease for the last ten years or so and has lived in the care center for the last two years. He loves visits from his great-grand kids and his favorite grand dog!!

I would like to give a special shout-out to a few friends. Candi Hironaka and Todd Wells have been so good about visiting me since I started chemo. They brighten my days and make me feel better by their ornery sense of humor and , of course, the DQ treats they bring me. I also want to give a shout-out to Susan Scott - she was on schedule tonight for FOMK (friends of Mary Kay) and brought supper. Susan made great mashed potatoes and chicken-fried-chicken - it was eerily similar to the menu at Texas Star! Anyway, thanks friends.

Love to all,
Mary Kay

Photo of the Day - my Dad, Casey Siefers

Photo of the Day -my nephew John Brenneman, otherwise known as Natalie's dad

The Fog Has Lifted

Thank goodness for a clear mind again!! I feel as if I am back among the living now that my brain and my body are together. The fog lifted Saturday evening after a massage/energy session from Barbara. I hope the brain fog is not going to be a part of my life after each chemotherapy treatment. If it is, it will make these chemo treatments very difficult to endure. "Nobody said it was going to be easy." Somehow that saying popped into my mind - beating cancer is not going to be easy.

The difficulty of this first week of chemotherapy has prompted lots of second guessing on my part. Am I choosing the right treatment protocol? Should I have surgery first? Should I even take chemotherapy? I just looked at the top of the page and saw the title of my blog - Mary Kay's Cancer Journey. This is a journey of unknowns - I know the starting point and the hopeful ending - (I want to be cancer free at the end of treatment and stay that way forever.) But, I don't know the exact path to get cancer free. I am trusting health care professionals to make the right decisions for me. I trust the doctors to make the right diagnosis and treatment, and I trust the nurses and technicians to give me the right chemotherapy combinations. There is a voice in the back of my mind that wants to say to them - is this how you would treat yourself? Or, treat me like I am your mother. I want to say to them -THIS IS MY LIFE, please do your best today!!!

Thanks for being on this journey with me.

Love to all,
Mary Kay

Photo of the Day - my brother, Bill Siefers

Not What I Wanted With Chemotherapy

I have been in a fog for a couple of days - I guess it is Chemo Brain. I am not having any pain or nausea. I just feel as if I am not all here and that my brain isn't engaging like it should. Now, I know many of you are saying that is what I am like all the time - I do appreciate the humor!!

The question becomes - how do I get my brain back? I have tried walking Kramer and getting fresh air, eating healthy foods, resting, talking with family and friends, sleeping, watching nascar, and surfing the net. So far, nothing has worked, but I am not going to let it stop me from trying. I want my brain back......

Photo of the Day - my grand-nephew Garrett Thielen enjoying smoked ribs from Uncle Matt's grill

Much Better Day on Thursday

There are so many unknowns with chemotherapy and each person responds differently to the drugs. At this point in time, I am trying to find what chemotherapy will mean to me. Thursday was a pretty good day for me. I stayed home all day and rested with a couple of short walks with Kramer mixed in the day. My nausea has subsided and I have been able to eat today, but I am still experiencing fatigue. I am hoping that will be the extent of my chemotherapy side effects!! That's all for now.

Love to all,
Mary Kay

Photo of the Day - Happy 10th Anniversary to Joey and Kelly Thielen

Photo of the Day - my sister Debbie Brenneman and her life-long friend Barbara Steinle Trickle

It Was a Tough Night

I officially have Chemo Brain! So from here on, anytime I make a mistake or forget something, or say something silly, it is because I have Chemo Brain. My first treatment lasted three hours - I started with a couple of short IV drips of Benadryl and anti-nausea medicine. That was followed by 'Red Devil' or Adriamycin. That is what you see in the photo below that the nurse is administering. Finally, I had a 2-hour drip of Cytoxan. I did not have any pain or discomfort while I received the chemotherapy. In fact, we (Nancy, Jody, Debbie, and Susan) laughed and told stories which made the time go really fast. I had one visitor - Barbara Steinle Trickle stopped by to say hi. She works in the Breast Center at KU Med as a Mammogram specialist. Barbara and my sister Debbie were best buddies in high school in Dorrance, so we heard all about the slow-gin fizz stories and adventures in Barbara's black Volkswagen bug.

By the time we returned to Manhattan, I was having significant tiredness, nausea, and headache. I walked right in the house and had a little energy work from Barbara (Nancy's sister, the massage therapist at Body First), ate a little food that Grace had delivered, and then I tried to go to bed. It was a rough night for Nancy and me. I just could not get comfortable. IT WAS AT THIS MOMENT THAT I REALLY FELT LIKE I HAD CANCER. The pain had arrived. Up to this point in my cancer journey, I had not had physical pain, I only had mental and emotional pain. My nausea and headache lasted until 3 pm Wednesday afternoon when Candi and Todd took me to the doctor's office for my Neulasta shot. They stayed and talked and really put me in a better place. Nancy was busy taking Frances (her second Mom) to the doctor. I have said it before and will say it again, Nancy is a wonderful person!!

I want to give a special shout-out to my friend and colleague Grace Hwang. She has done so much for me during my short journey with breast cancer. It was Grace who called KU Med to get me in so fast. Grace has had her own battle with breast cancer for the past two years. I am happy to report that Grace has completed her battle and will be having her port removed on Thursday. I don't know what it is about Leadership Studies, but we have had our fair share of challenges. Anyway, more about Grace. She has organized a Meals-on-Wheels brigade for my chemotherapy days, it is called Friends of Mary Kay (FOMK). Grace tells me she already has two members!!! (Just kidding about the two member thing.) When we arrived home from KC, Grace had delivered baked chicken, fried rice, shrimp salad, and ice cream!!! Thank you Grace.

I feel so blessed to have the support system of family and friends who have given so much already. I also think about how fortunate I am to have quality health insurance so that I can have access to treatment. There are some who are fighting a much different battle than I am. So I end this day feeling grateful of all that I have and I send blessings to all of you.

With Love,
Mary Kay

Photo of the Day - my support team today - Debbie, Susan, Nancy, and Jody

Photo of the Day - My first injection of chemotherapy

Photo of the Day - my nephew Matt Thielen and his daughter Hallie Jo

Twas the Night Before My First Chemotherapy Treatment

I am nervous about tomorrow and chemotherapy. It has been on my mind all day because I am fearful of the side-effects of the treatment. OK, enough of that. I am ready to start treatment!! Let's get this show on the road. I will have a support team with me tomorrow - in addition to Nancy, my sisters Susan and Deb and my niece Jody will be there with me. I am sure we will have a few laughs.

The good part about tomorrow, June 5, is that it is my nephew Matt Thielen's birthday. Matt is the one who had the crazy idea to go fishing at 5:30 am on Memorial Day. Did I mention that we actually caught fish that morning? I will leave it up to your imagination as to who caught the biggest fish. (Hint - as Nancy reeled in her first fish, she said something about having a whale on the line.) Anyway, Happy Birthday Matt!! He already told me that it is a good sign that my first treatment corresponds with his birthday. I hope you are right Matt.

Mary Kay

Thanks for the great time at the party!!

Cancer has made me evaluate my life and ask the question - am I living the life I want to live? If I knew that my days were numbered, would I change anything? Nancy and I talked about that very question the day my biopsy came back as cancer. I thought about it and decided that, yes, I am living the life I want to live. There isn't too much I would change about how I live my life. I don't want to have regrets and wish that I would have lived differently. Now, don't get me wrong about the little things - I do wish I had more of some things, but I am content at my core. Right now LOVING and LAUGHING seem to be what my life is about. It is what I crave. Maybe loving and laughing give me the inner comfort and strength to face cancer.

The past two weekends have given me lots of loving and laughing. Last weekend, I spent time with family and friends in Dorrance and had a blast. I went fishing (at 5:30 am), walked in the Memorial Day parade, ate lots of homemade ice cream (thanks Mom), sat on Susan's porch in the swing, endured the constant teasing of family and friends, refused to help with dishes (because I have cancer), and ate lots of smoked ribs and brisket. Needless to say, it was a wonderful time. Some family members gave me a basket of goodies to help me get through this cancer thing. Some of the items in the basket included: bag of Oreos, a bag (not a purse) to carry my things in, gift card to DQ, Sudoku book, picture frame, Courage figurine from Willow Tree, Ipod, quilted do-dad that says Family that was signed by all, a basket, coke, and sunflower seeds. It doesn't get any better than that!! Thanks family - you really know how to please me. I love you all. I just had to share how important that weekend was for me. I came back to Manhattan rejuvenated and ready to face the week.

Back to the present - tonight's Kick Cancer's Ass party was important for that loving and laughing reason, too. I wanted to spend time with friends and family and LAUGH prior to my first chemotherapy treatment on Tuesday. Thanks friends - we laughed!! I want to continue to have parties because that is one thing that I said I wanted more of. No regrets, so let's have more parties.

Thank you, thank you, thank you to all who have made the last two weekends so meaningful to me.

Love to all,
Mary Kay

Photo of the Day - First Kick Cancer's Ass Party

Kick Cancer's Ass Party

The first Kick Cancer's Ass party will be held Sunday, June 3, from 5:00 to 7:00 pm at our house at 1731 Kings Road, Manhattan. We will provide hamburgers, chips, and baked beans. If you want more than that, please bring it.... I am not sure what we will do at this party, please bring your idea on kicking cancer's ass!!

Mary Kay

Photo of the Day - my great niece Natalie "little John" Brenneman

Lots of news to share... So far, so good on the news front. My tests indicate that my cancer is only in my left breast!! Yeah. It is somewhat odd to say that I have good news - I only have cancer in one spot. Yes, it is good news, but it really sent me on another emotional roller coaster. I am appreciative of the fact that right now I only have the breast issue to overcome, however, I feel a little guilty that so many other cancer patients don't have the same good news. As Nancy and I were receiving the good news for me, a young woman (who had obviously been through a great deal of treatment and looked sick and worn out) was sitting in the same area. I could not help but to temper my celebration as I thought of her. On the drive home, I had a difficult time sharing the news - I had the 'why me' syndrome. Why did I only have cancer in one spot when others, like my brother-in-law Joe, had to hear the news over and over about cancer lesions in other parts of their bodies. Maybe that news will be part of my life at some point, but right now I am feeling guilty and asking 'why me' as to only having cancer in my breast. This is truly a journey I am experiencing and I know the emotions will range from one extreme to the next. As I stated in the blog title and description at the top of the page, this is a place for me to update and share information with you, but also to share my feelings and thoughts about this journey as well.

Right now I am planning on staring chemotherapy at KU Med on Tuesday, June 5 - that happens to be my nephew Matt Thielen's birthday. The plan is to take Adriamycin and Cytoxan (once every two weeks for four treatments/eight weeks) and then another four treatments of Taxol for eight weeks. Tuesday will be my treatment day for the next four months. That will be followed by surgery, then radiation, and then anti-hormone treatments for five years. Hopefully, I will follow that routine and be done with cancer forever!!

My experience at KU Med has been great. All of the nurses, doctors, and technicians have gone above the normal call of duty to make things go as smooth as possible for me. One nurse, in particular, deserves a special shout-out. Ruth, the surgeon's clinic nurse, sat and talked with us for 45 minutes as we waited on Dr Conner, the breast surgeon, to return from surgery. I actually learned more about my specific type of cancer in that visit than I learned from the doctors. She went over the pathology reports and explained the results. I have Invasive Ductal Carcinoma; some of the characteristics are: grade 3 (which is very fast growing), ER+ (estrogen sensitive), and Her2 negative (I am not a candidate for Herceptin). Of course, there are other pieces of information, but that is about all I can remember right now. Anyway, later in the afternoon, Ruth actually searched the hospital to find Nancy and me to take us to the MRI early AND then she made the effort (in the MRI department) to find the results of all of my tests!!

It has now been 22 days since I first found the lump. I am ready to get the show started!! CANCER - you are going to get a great big punch in the face from me.

Love to all,
Mary Kay