Health, Hair, Breasts and Blogs

Hello Friends,
How about a little health update? Well, there really isn't too much to share - And that is the good news. I am working on the no news is good news philosophy. The truth is that I feel better now than I have since surgery last October!! I am now working (or at least I am at work) full days and am starting to get my 'groove back' and passion back for teaching. I knew I did not feel well for the past five months, but I just didn't realize how much energy I lacked. Life is definitely easier now that I am feeling better. I now have a healthy respect for those who have gone through similar health challenges. So, I want to give a special 'shout out' to all who have dealt with their own or a loved one's illness. Until you have experienced it, I am not sure you understand the toll it takes on people.

Hair - I have chosen to keep my hair short for a while. Sharon and Nancy have been giving me haircuts with the clippers and a number 4 or 5 blade. Those of you who use clippers will know what that means. There is just something about having really short hair and the 'ease' of it. I wash it, towel dry it and go. Actually, some days I even put a little gel on it and spike it for a change of pace. As I have shared before, my hair has never been too important to me so this style fits my needs just fine. The short hair can also be a badge for cancer. When I was bald, I saw it as my badge and it gave me certain privileges. When people relate your baldness to cancer, they treat you differently - in a good way. I always received excellent treatment when I was bald. Now I am struggling with the transition from I have cancer TO I had cancer. I think the short hair is allowing me to dabble in the cancer badge just a little. Sometimes I want people to know that I have/had cancer, so the short hair does that for me. But then there are other times when I want to be as far away from cancer as I can get. I guess I want a cancer card that I can play when I want..... There is a life lesson wrapped up in this experience, but I am not sure what it is.

Breasts - or lack thereof. I don't miss my breasts and I definitely don't miss wearing a bra! There are a few issues that the lack of breasts have given me. The first is that my stomach now sticks out! That's right, since my bilateral mastectomy, my stomach has gotten much bigger. OR, since I no longer have breasts that 'hide' my stomach, it now appears much bigger. Anyway, I am more conscious of the size of my stomach than I have ever been. The second issue in not having breasts is the way certain blouses and shirts fit. Many of my shirts and jackets are fitted and have 'darts' (anyway that is what I called them in Mrs Kaufman's home ec classes in high school) to create a fitted look. Well, now I don't have anything to fill the space in the shirts so there is a pocket of material that sticks out with nothing in it. I have been wearing those shirts, but I always wear a jacket with them to draw attention away from the boobless area. I guess it is going to take time for ME to adjust my self image and feel comfortable with the new look Mary Kay.

Blog - What has this blog become? When I first started the blog, I intended to share my cancer journey with anyone who was interested. And for the most part, that is what I did with the blog. But it eventually morphed into a place for me to share photos and information about my family and friends. At times, I thought about starting a new blog for the family and friends update. And I thought I would save this blog for any 'cancer' updates. Of course, I hope there are very few updates about cancer except to say that everything is fine, I feel fine, and my tests are clean. But, the more I think about it, I realize that we can't separate cancer and family and friends. When this all started for me in May of 2007, I wanted to embrace the cancer and own it. Meaning I wanted to continue to live life even if cancer was going to be a part of my life. So, I guess it is ok to continue to post family and friend photos on the blog that is titled 'Mary Kay's Cancer Journey' because they are important parts of each other. I am sure that is another life lesson, but I can't seem to see it right now.

Love to all,
Mary Kay