I want to give a special 'shout out' to my nieces and nephews for having such wonderful children. I have one grand nephew (Garrett), three grand nieces (Anna, Natalie, and Hallie), and one grand ? due in October. They are an important part of my life and give me lots of enjoyment. So to my nieces and nephews I say - keep up the good work!!
Today (Wednesday) was awesome because I spent the whole day at my office at Leadership Studies!! I actually forgot I had cancer for most of the day - well until my colleagues wanted to share their ideas for the 'boobs be gone' party. Yes, that was one of the slogans from today. Anyway, I loved being at the office and getting back in the swing of things. It beats sitting at home with nausea and chemo brain.
I realized today that I have been through several phases with this cancer. The first part was the diagnosis, doctor visits, tests, and sharing the news with others. That was definitely the most emotionally draining part of this whole ordeal. When the chemotherapy treatments started, all of my thoughts and energy went into getting through the first four treatments of Adriamycin and Cytoxan. The side effects were so severe for me that I could not do much else but stay home and recuperate. Now I am in a different phase with the Taxol treatments - I can actually function at work. The timing is right since the semester is right around the corner - classes start on August 20 at K-State. Even though I am not teaching this semester, my official return to work date is August 13. The good news is that I can focus on my job and NOT on cancer all day. It seems as though cancer has consumed my energy since I was first diagnosed, but now I am in a transition to a phase where cancer is a part of my life, but not my whole identity. Of course, when you are a bald woman in public, you get reminded very often that you are different. I often forget that I am bald until I see myself in the mirror or I see my reflection in a window or when others stare at me.
On Tuesday as I entered the restroom at the JC Penney store in the mall, a mother and two children (about 5-8 years old) were washing their hands. The boy and girl saw me go in the stall, but their mother did not see me. The little girl asked her mother if this was a girls or boys bathroom. The mother answered that this was a girls bathroom and that her brother was in here because he was too young to go the boys bathroom by himself. As they were walking out the bathroom door, I heard the little girl tell her mother that a man was in the bathroom. The door then closed and I did not hear what the mother said to the children. As I was washing my hands, a woman wearing a JC Penney badge (different from the name tags worn by cashiers) slowly pushed the door open and looked at me as I washed my hands. She looked surprised as she said "Oh, hello," and then walked out. I am sure the mother reported that there was a man in the women's bathroom and one of the administrators came to check on the report. It did not bother me, but it reinforced lots of my learnings about being different and how some people see difference. I am sure that little girl never thought a woman could have a bald head. As I stated earlier, I forget that I am bald until others remind me of it or I see myself. Hopefully, I can continue to teach others life lessons about being different. I know my experiences of being a bald female (and not covering my bald head with a wig or scarf) has tested my self-confidence level. It does take a certain amount of courage to walk through the mall by yourself when everyone is staring at you. Ah ha moment - how many other people feel the same way? How many others get those same looks because they are different because of race, body type or size, or loads of reasons that someone looks different than we do?
Life gives us so many ways to learn lessons. Let's just hope I can be aware and receptive to the opportunities for growth.
Love to all,
Mary Kay
Today (Wednesday) was awesome because I spent the whole day at my office at Leadership Studies!! I actually forgot I had cancer for most of the day - well until my colleagues wanted to share their ideas for the 'boobs be gone' party. Yes, that was one of the slogans from today. Anyway, I loved being at the office and getting back in the swing of things. It beats sitting at home with nausea and chemo brain.
I realized today that I have been through several phases with this cancer. The first part was the diagnosis, doctor visits, tests, and sharing the news with others. That was definitely the most emotionally draining part of this whole ordeal. When the chemotherapy treatments started, all of my thoughts and energy went into getting through the first four treatments of Adriamycin and Cytoxan. The side effects were so severe for me that I could not do much else but stay home and recuperate. Now I am in a different phase with the Taxol treatments - I can actually function at work. The timing is right since the semester is right around the corner - classes start on August 20 at K-State. Even though I am not teaching this semester, my official return to work date is August 13. The good news is that I can focus on my job and NOT on cancer all day. It seems as though cancer has consumed my energy since I was first diagnosed, but now I am in a transition to a phase where cancer is a part of my life, but not my whole identity. Of course, when you are a bald woman in public, you get reminded very often that you are different. I often forget that I am bald until I see myself in the mirror or I see my reflection in a window or when others stare at me.
On Tuesday as I entered the restroom at the JC Penney store in the mall, a mother and two children (about 5-8 years old) were washing their hands. The boy and girl saw me go in the stall, but their mother did not see me. The little girl asked her mother if this was a girls or boys bathroom. The mother answered that this was a girls bathroom and that her brother was in here because he was too young to go the boys bathroom by himself. As they were walking out the bathroom door, I heard the little girl tell her mother that a man was in the bathroom. The door then closed and I did not hear what the mother said to the children. As I was washing my hands, a woman wearing a JC Penney badge (different from the name tags worn by cashiers) slowly pushed the door open and looked at me as I washed my hands. She looked surprised as she said "Oh, hello," and then walked out. I am sure the mother reported that there was a man in the women's bathroom and one of the administrators came to check on the report. It did not bother me, but it reinforced lots of my learnings about being different and how some people see difference. I am sure that little girl never thought a woman could have a bald head. As I stated earlier, I forget that I am bald until others remind me of it or I see myself. Hopefully, I can continue to teach others life lessons about being different. I know my experiences of being a bald female (and not covering my bald head with a wig or scarf) has tested my self-confidence level. It does take a certain amount of courage to walk through the mall by yourself when everyone is staring at you. Ah ha moment - how many other people feel the same way? How many others get those same looks because they are different because of race, body type or size, or loads of reasons that someone looks different than we do?
Life gives us so many ways to learn lessons. Let's just hope I can be aware and receptive to the opportunities for growth.
Love to all,
Mary Kay
4 comments:
Fabulous that you are at work - WONDERFUL news!!!
:)
Who is expecting the "?". Is it Jody???
Adrienne
:)
The Loganites are glad to hear that you are able to be back at the "good" school. Hip Hip Hooray! Hang in there, maybe we'll catch you on Sept 8th. Donna L.
Hey Coach---As I write that, I realize that wasn't really the thing to call your coach in the mid-80s in Western Kansas and we referred to you as "Sief" or "Siefers" or some other name that I'm sure we meant affectionately. After having been a coach, however, I realize the true depth of that title. A coach teaches her players as much, or more, about life than about how to shoot a jump shot. Although we might not have called you that back in the day, you do truly deserve the title and you are high on the list of the many coaches from whom I've learned valuable lessons (and, as a bonus, a little English as well :).
I just saw Dad last night and this is the first he has informed me of your battle with cancer. He isn't always the greatest when it comes to passing along news. You are certainly in my thoughts. I have not doubt that your positive spirit will get you through this.
Carolyn A.
Grandpa Kaufman is smiling right now, I have the bald gene for real but yours is only temporary and and you are doing good at making the best of everything.
Gordon
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